Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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