So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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