He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
