Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize