he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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