wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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