from now on my penis is your penis
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
