your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
and you fell through a lawn chair
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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