There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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