Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
