i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
