watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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