i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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