I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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