She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
