I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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