hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
