508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
