Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Duck Duck Cougar?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
