My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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