alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
