1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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