You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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