Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
