I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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