batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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