I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
