Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
