youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
