This girl is more easily done than said...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
