Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
