he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
