Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
