I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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