Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Less talking, more tequila
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
