The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
