I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
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And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
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I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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