A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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