After last night, I could never be a politician.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
