The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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