I accidentally burped into my bong.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
