So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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