She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
