I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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