Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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