that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
