I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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