I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
