wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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