the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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