So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
