AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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