I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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