So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
