Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
