i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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