She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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