Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
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I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
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My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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