So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
