it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
