My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
