Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
