I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
