Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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