..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
