I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
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Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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