His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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