i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
