I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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