apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
