I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My cat gives me a boner
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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