After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
