I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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