2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
