when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
