Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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