so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
