Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
