my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
