he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just gift wrapped bread.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
